


From the Start

by Dana



Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Drabble, Drabble Set, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 18:36:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8500810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dana/pseuds/Dana
Summary: Sam tries.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Just a passing look at Sam and some of the relationships in his life. Not an upbeat piece, but not meant to be an intentional downer. It is what it is. (It also doesn't try to put one of these on a pedestal in relation to the others.) I probably first meant to post this as a bittersweet something for Valentine's day (way back in 2014 >.>), but at this point? Who really knows.  
> For such a short thing, I've been working on it ages. Endless thanks are due to **talkingtothesky** , for all the time and support she gave me when I was first trying to beat this into postable shape, pretty much forever ago. I kept working on this and finally, finally, after **duckyone** and **Loz** read through and held my hand (thanks  <3) I think it's ready.  
> Also, why not post this after the pornfest I just put up? Balances things out quite nicely, I think.

There were problems from the start, and Sam's tireless devotion to work turned Maya into a third wheel. He was capable of so much: if he could just approach their personal issues with the same fervour he put into advancing his career, said issues would evaporate in no time at all. Only he didn't, and it didn't get better. It got worse.

She feels him slipping away, so she holds on with all that she's got. Maybe her own devotion is the real root of the problem, and if she truly does love him, she needs to let him go.

–

Their relationship had issues from the start, and Sam's promotion to DCI only made the awkwardness grow. Maya hadn't been this disagreeable as his equal, but as her superior, she questions him at every turn. That could be the real problem, wanting too much and all at once: Sam's never been as good at this as he'd have liked. Deep inside he knows Maya should be his top priority, that he's focusing on the wrong thing.

Only, he's come too far in the pursuit of his dreams, there's no stopping now. If Maya truly loves him, he knows she'd understand.

–  
–

There's something about him that just isn't right, Annie's known that from the start. Maybe he really had been hurt badly the day he transferred in from Hyde, and she's ignored it: hoped he'd start acting normal all on his own, be okay. That it's him under duress and not him gone mad, trapped in a distorted reality that only he can perceive. The casual way he dismisses her as something that's only real inside his head, doesn't he see just how cruel he's being?

She's sure she could love him, if Sam being _Sam_ doesn't get in the way.

–

There's something about this place that just isn't right, Sam's known that from the start. Maybe the only part of it that comes close to sense and sanity is Annie: she listens to him even as she tells him he's mad. She gives him a hand to hold, she asks him to stay. Sam isn't trying to be cruel, when he tells her she isn't real. If there's anything here that _should_ be real, shouldn't it be her?

He knows he could love her, because she makes it so easy. Sam only has himself to blame for getting everything wrong.

–  
–

There's nothing right about his DI, Gene's known it from the start. Cartwright confides in him the real disturbing stuff, and not just his penchant for talking to the voices in his head. The realness of Sam's madness has Gene worried after his deputy's well-being: just worry, the Gene Genie doesn't do fear.

Grown more fond of Sam than he'd care to admit, Gene's going to have to save the bastard from himself. Cartwright says he's looking for a reason to stay: Gene can give him that.

Maybe he'll never call it love, but it was _something_ at first sight.

–

There's something infuriating about his DCI, Sam's known it from the start. Annie tells him to give him a break, but Gene shouldn't get a free pass just because he's Guv. They shouldn’t have to be two opposing forces working to the same end: Sam wouldn't always have to fight him, if Gene would _listen_.

Sam needs Gene, hates him, _trusts_ him, all implicitly. Sam's still thinks he needs a reason to be here: sometimes, he wants it to be Gene.

He knows just what to call it, but that doesn't matter. Sam isn't staying, none of this is real.


End file.
